Everybody's Trying To Be My Baby

The title of my post today is borrowed from a song of the same name written by Carl Perkins in 1957, which was in turn covered by The Beatles with George Harrison on the lead vocals. An excellent song in all of its forms. It also seems to fit my life right now. I'm "in between gigs", to quote my mother and not only are men from my past contacting me, I have met quite a few recently as well. No one has potential as far as I can tell, but I it is still rather ridiculous. Just today within the span of 3 hours, a man I met over a year ago from Germany (who still lives there) contacted me. He stayed with me for a few days in Chicago in March and we hit it off, but he lives there. I'm still here. Long distance clearly was not something he was willing to keep up. I started dating someone else in the mean time, but he would write to me on Facebook on occasion and tell me how much he missed me. He picked today of all days to repeat those sentiments. Then, just a few hours later, another guy I went on two dates with from about a year or so ago messaged me on Facebook as well. He said we should grab a drank and catch up. A musician I met from the Green Mill has been texting me and asking for a date but after three (polite) rejections, he still has not taken the hint. He texted me again today and although he is nice, I am not interested. I am also currently talking to two of my exes (hence the name my last post). One of them I probably should be careful with - we had great chemistry - and the other I was friends with before we started dating, but we recently went back to being just friends. Then I met three different guys this weekend (one who I started talking to one Yelp) while I was out partying with my friend who was visiting from out of town. I don't think any of them really wanted to date me, but still. Sometimes it can be too much. I have also been chatting with an Austrian man who lives in Stockholm. We hit it off at the airport when a snowstorm grounded our plane. Again, this will probably not amount to anything either, but he's another guy that has popped up in my life. But the worst part of it all is that I still have feelings for a guy who just wants to be friends with me.

I am by no means bragging or trying to say I am the greatest thing since sliced bread, I am merely trying to point out how absolutely insane it is for me right now. My love life is so complicated and I do not know what to do. Sometimes I think I am being cursed for my transgressions. Sure I'm meeting guys and my phone seems to literally be blowing up lately but no one has really stood out. No one makes me feel special. I have been having a lot of fun and living out the last of my twenties with aplomb, but I wonder constantly if there is something missing in my life. Or if I'm doing it right? I don't think telling my friend I have feelings for him is wise. I think I need to move to Germany (or somewhere in Europe), put some distance between me and all the mess I've created and start over! The men are so distracting and I'm not even sure if I should try to date anyone at this point either. It has been, needless to say, very frustrating and confusing. I have been told to never settle and I think that's also part of this equation. But then again, will the perfect guy ever show up? I thought I had found the perfect guy a few times but it did not last. How do you know if it is really right or not?

Right now my goal is to not stress myself out about all of the dudes trying to hit me up. I have to finish up my semester and live my life and just enjoy it. Hopefully someday I'll really click with someone again and they'll want to keep me around. Or maybe I'll never settle down...who knows? I have so much to think about.

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