Posts

The One, One Year Later

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One year ago on this day, July 17, I met my one true love. I could write about how much I love him (more than anything) and how great everything is (better than great). Instead I decided to write something other than a pile of cliché, maudlin sentences to that effect for our one-year anniversary. In doing so, I feel it expresses all of the mushy sentiment I want to avoid. Oh, the irony.

It hit me a few times recently. No, luckily not a car while flying around Berlin on my bicycle, but rather this odd and sickening sensation in my stomach, almost like my guts are opening up and the contents are free falling into a deep dark abyss. The same sort of feeling I have when undergoing a panic attack. But what triggered it this time?

Strangely enough, it was thinking about the love-filled year with Mr. Right and knowing that meeting the man of my dreams depended on one swipe of my finger. How wonderfully bizarre is the world we live in today, when I can honestly say I am thankful for the fact …

The Things We Do For Love

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I would be lying if I said my impending move to Berlin had nothing to do with matters of the heart. Admittedly the last decade or so of my life has been dedicated to the German language and culture, and, as friends can attest (Wolfman D recently called me out on this), I have talked about moving to Germany...a lot.  Add to the fact that we have an Oompa Loompa in the White House and I will complete my coveted PhD in Germanic Studies within the next few months, I would say I certainly have enough reasons to make the move across the pond.  Yet had I not met the love of my life, I would not be crazy enough to go through the process in which I currently find myself.

Don't get me wrong, it is not the worst thing in the world you can do, but there are so many things to consider before making such a huge decision. I have already donated so many of my things (and still have so much to pack, move and give away), I have read countless websites about obtaining visas and all the attached leg…

La La Lame

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Let us just get this out of the way: I'm old-fashioned AF when it comes to certain things. I stubbornly refuse to associate with the Millennials (or Generation Y) and I am so far removed from this latest group of kids, Generation Z, that I might as well be from Mars in their eyes. But they are foreign to me as well. I will never understand the plethora of teens and young adults who somehow make a living (or at least spend all of their time) online as bloggers, YouTubers or, my personal favorite, as "internet personalities." Then there are the people with no discernible talent at all who somehow make a shit pot of money just because they themselves are a brand. The Kardashians, the Trumps, the wait, what's their name again? Oh right, I don't care. Because they are nothing to me. When did we get so lazy? So sloppy? So mediocre? When did people not take the time to proof what drivel they post online? When did our vocabularies deteriorate? When did people stop readi…

A Day Which Will Live in Infamy

Friday, January 20, 2017. Inauguration Day. The same day Donald Trump is sworn is as President, I officially register as a citizen of Berlin. Coincidence? I think not.

My incredibly slow transition to live in Germany could not have occurred at a more opportune moment. Ever since the wee hours of November 9, 2016 when the nightmare became reality, I have been confused, frustrated, upset and above all disappointed. Never has a presidential election had such a visceral effect on me. I was overjoyed when Barack Obama became the first African-American President of the United States in 2009. I am still struggling with the fact he will no longer be our President and Michelle will no longer be our First Lady. I love them both dearly. I wept bitterly when Hillary Clinton conceded and continue to wipe tears from my eves I think the White House loses a classy, eloquent, charming man, only to gain...him. As an American I felt complacent and put faith in the system, naively believing he could not …

Giving Thanks Every Day

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Thanksgiving always reminds me just how much I have to be thankful for in my life. This year was, however, tougher than usual. My 99-year-old grandfather is slowing succumbing to age, dementia and anxiety replacing his once jovial and robust personality. It was absolutely crushing spending three days with him, knowing that he is in agony. He has "lived too long" and cannot remember everything like he used to. It was a test of strength to be with him, but it reminded me of something incredibly valuable: compassion. I was not always able to keep my composure, but I tried to be compassionate despite the frustration and mental anguish. If I were in his shoes, I have no idea what I would do, but I would hope my family would treat me kindly.

So while I am thankful for all the usual things like a roof over my head, food to eat, sources of income, my dear friends and other things, I am even more thankful this year that I had a chance to see things from a different perspective. I am …

The Sword of Damocles

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I'm sure we all are familiar with the feeling of stress, but what about the extraordinary kind? The kind that robs you of sleep, ties your stomach in knots and turns you into an emotional wreck for weeks? If you have not yet to experience this, congratulations. Tell me your secrets. Currently I am so stressed I am sick and frustrated and desperately trying to get my proverbial ducks in a row.

While ducks are adorable, they only briefly distract me from my stress. Why am I so stressed, you might ask? One part of it is my brain chemistry, another part of it is conditioning, the final part is the current point at which I find myself.

I recently decided to stop taking anti-anxiety medication and while I am not anxious like I was before I began taking it this time around, I feel every single spike in my brain activity. It is often disconcerting and hard to remember such things are normal. No one can be happy and calm 100% of the time - unless they are heavily medicated, which is not my…

I Ain't Afraid of No Goats

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With the Cubs' recent victory bringing Chicago to a fever pitch, I have been thinking a lot about what sports mean to people. Depending on where you are from, how you were raised and where you are in the world, sports can be extremely important or completely uninteresting. In Berlin, where I am currently writing this post, no one has taken notice of the Cubs and their historic season of baseball. Here if you care about sports, football is obviously king, the international sport of pretty much the entire world except the U.S. There are of course some people in Chicago who could care less about the Cubs, as much as it pains me to say it, but I am not one of those people. I care. I care so much that it hurts. I was able to date a Reds fan, but a Cardinals or White Sox fan would not be possible. The rivalry is too intense. However, I no longer have to worry about these things. My German boyfriend is not a big sports guy, so "making" him a Cubs fan has been an easy sell. He l…