A Picture is Worth...


...1,000 words? We all know the old adage, but I think a picture can be worth a lot more.



I'm not sure about you, but I have always had a vivid imagination. I would often envision myself as a successful and glamorous actress, rock star, top model, princess or other rich and famous person, and somehow that person in my head, whatever form they took, looked thinner, taller, prettier and certainly better styled. The "perfect" ideal has unfortunately been planted in our heads from a very young age. My coveted Barbies, once treasured playthings, now symbolize for me much of what is wrong with our perfection-driven society. We are supposed to look "perfect." Even emaciated models who are size 0 or 2 (think Victoria Beckham) have their arms and legs photoshopped in ads. Heidi Klum is almost my height - she is 5'9"/175 cm and I'm almost 5'10"/177 cm - but she weighs almost 20 pounds less than I do - she weighs in at 137lbs/62kg and I'm at 154lbs/70kg. To sustain a weight like hers at our height takes extreme discipline, portion control, clean eating and lots of exercise. So good bye French fries, bottles of wine and bags of Haribo gummies! And that's just the tip of the iceberg! Not sure if it's really worth it, but then I never thought I would even try to model or act semi-professionally until recently.

Would I like to look like a model? Sure, it couldn't hurt. But part of the struggle the non-Kardashians of the world have to face everyday is accepting themselves for who they are, wrinkles, cellulite, stretch marks, blotchy complexions, split ends, chipped fingernails and all. I'm not saying people who are not rich are hot messes, but we don't necessarily have the same financial power to make major aesthetic changes on a small budget. However, instead of thinking that my "imperfections" (in case the bold print and underlining didn't help, "imperfection" contains the word "perfect") make me less attractive - and please note: I will NOT use the u-word, it's a disgrace to all creatures on the planet and we throw it around far too often - I am slowly learning to love myself, and I mean really love myself, after many ups and downs in my 32 years of life so far.

One of the ways I am showing myself love is believing in myself. Two days ago I took a major step on my journey to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a (semi-)recognizable face (or at least just feel like the glamorous woman of my dreams). I made the decision to invest in a professional photoshoot and it was worth every penny. The photographer and the makeup artist were friendly, encouraging and (to my surprise) complimentary of my "natural beauty." I was nervous at first, but I began to hit my stride and felt far more confident then when we began. After two hours, which somehow flew by, we had over 200 photos! Some of them turned out so well that I was pleasantly surprised. I now have great photos to send out as I apply for various modeling and acting agencies in Germany. But more importantly, it was a great experience and I learned to see myself in a different light. There were definitely photos I did not like, but there were many that I did and it showed me I can rise to the challenge, because modeling certainly can be challenging. I felt like I was taking part in an army drill! But in the end, I learned so much about my body and how to see the beauty in me, inside and out. It was much needed. I feel like we don't appreciate ourselves enough or too often strive to be something we're not. The photos showed me as I am, just nicely posed and with the help of light styling.

I do not expect much to come of this whole thing, certainly not major stardom, but I am going to try to get work in film or modeling because it's part of the loving-, believing- and healing-myself process. I encourage others who are struggling to make that leap, to do something different, to believe in themselves and most importantly, to love themselves. You will be surprised what good it can bring.

My mantra for 2018: I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am who I am. I am Tina.

 Below is a selection of shots from my shoot. Studio Monbijou. Photographer: Judith. Makeup Artist: Urnaa. If you're in the Berlin area, please check them out: http://www.studio-monbijou.de/




               



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ode to Jon

Image
On the eve of the much anticipated election, my friend and I were discussing politics, Mormons and Jon Stewart. I have not had cable TV, let alone basic TV stations since I moved out of home almost 10 years ago, but whenever I could I would watch the Daily Show, sometimes online, but mainly when I was at my mom's house visiting or with my friends if they had cable. I fell in love with him because of his style, the ease with which he puns and jokes his way through his show, his witty quips and almost bipolar news anchor personality when interviewing guests. Our discussion took place on the way to the movies and upon returning home and falling into sweet slumber, I had a dream about Jon Stewart. I was in what appeared to be a high school auditorium and towards the front, dead center near the stage, sat none other than Jon. Brow furrowed, head bowed, he was scribbling furiously into a note pad, oblivious to the world around him. Since the seats were empty, I decided to make a bold m...
Read more

Partners and Parents

I can't say it enough - it's all about communication.  I would like to share my musings about how it has been said you find partners like your parents.  My parents are both musically inclined; my dad being a little drummer boy and my mother a singer/piano player/accordionist extraordinaire.  They met through mutual friends and were in a band together called "The Lawn Chairs".  Awesome, right?  Indeed.  I was an 80s child born to wild, rockin' parents! Ha, not so much.  My mother is a librarian and has been one for most of her professional life.  My father is a rather studious, bookish type, working in Graphic Arts.  I'm not saying they don't know how to have a good time, but they were definitely nerdy musicians.  Cool in their own right, but not hardcore rock and rollers.  My father is a little more distant in terms of communication, but he always expresses his love and concern for me.  He's more on the stoic side, but he def...
Read more

Hug a Cactus

Today's post features a message I received on OKCupid from a 21-year-old guy who decided to be clever...I think. "I would hug a cactus then swim through shark infested salt water to the arctic to do battle with an angry mother polar bear on a 2x2 foot iceberg for the chance to share a spaghetti dinner with you on a webcam over a dial up connection!!!" This is totally amazing, albeit silly. I think if a man really loves a woman (or a man loves a man, a woman loves a woman, a man loves a goat, etc.), this statement absolutely should ring true. I do not want to settle for anything less. I really am an amazing individual - it's true, everyone says so - and I have so much going for me. As my dear mother would say, the world is my oyster. Why shouldn't I expect a man to traverse the world, fight with all sorts of creatures and put himself in ridiculous peril at my expense? Aren't I worth it? I guess it all depends on the guy. You can't pick who you fall for ...
Read more