My Funny Valentine

Valentine's Day. Such a tricky "holiday". Even when I was in relationships, I wasn't the biggest fan. Why make a big deal on that one day? Why not wine and dine your partner, buy them flowers/candy/(insert gift here) any of the other 364 days of the year? It's obviously nice when someone makes an effort on V-Day, but it definitely shouldn't be limited to that day and doesn't have to be such a grand gesture.

V-Day 2013: Tina, 27, single and in the big city. Met a few guys here and there since moving home; no one promising. The usual kind of situations. My partner in crime suggested something different: an Anti-Valentine's Day Party. Promises of hilarious bad date/break up stories performed on stage, roller derby girls delivering shots, sexy dancers and DJs made it seem doable. The doors were supposed to open at 7. My girl and I arrive at 7:50. Not many people were there. Apparently they pushed everything back an hour. Turns out being the first ones in line was a good thing because the event was also sponsored by Budweiser. Free Black Crown beers from 8-9pm. Why did we each have four bottles? Wait, they were free...right. We also received free shots from a roller derby girl. At this point we were at the more uninhibited portion of the night. The crowd was slowly growing as we scanned around for cute faces, interesting clothing choices and goofy dance moves. A few people sparked our interest. We wound up dancing with these 2 guys. One we swore was gay and his friend from Ghana. Eventually we ditched them and moved to the front of the stage to listen to the bad date/break up nonsense. Some were just bizarre, others were a bit frightening, but we were laughing our asses off.

At one point, and the actual details are a bit hazy here, my friend and I start getting smacked around by these little "love sticks" that were in the goody bags from the Pleasure Chest. I think the stick read "Spank Someone Happy". Since we had been drinking, rather than feel annoyed or offended (and the sticks were no bigger than a paint stirrer), we laughed and fought back. Turns out our assailant was cute and had some nice, cute friends. Score! We danced, chatted, spanked and generally enjoyed the evening. The man who had his eyes set on me (his friend asked him "Which one do you want?" in typical sophisticated, manly fashion) asked if I could be his Valentine for the night. We kissed, held hands, all very innocent stuff. And the real reason I went along with it, ladies and gentlemen?

****DRUM ROLL, PLEASE****

He's a magician. A legit magician. Awe and amusement aside, he was tall (taller than me and I was in 3 inch heels), cute, funny, did card tricks and pulled coins out from behind my ear and wielded a light up rose. What a Valentine! Never expected to meet such a character on V-Day or any day, for that matter. But by the end of the night after many giggles and tomfoolery, I realized when he asked if I could be his Valentine, he meant his place to crash/female to have sex with for the night, so I unfortunately had to let the Valentine frivolities stop with the magic tricks. ABRACADABRA, ladies! Watch me pull a...something...out of my pants, I mean hat!

I'll say you're welcome in advance for the amusing V-Day story. Cheers!

And for the hell of it: The Pleasure Chest
Check it out. You know you want to.

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