The Tale of the Two Teds

One evening, not too long ago, a very beautiful woman named Sharon decided to go out for a night on the town. She visited all of the local hot spots, including one of the most popular venues located in the city center. There was music, dancing and lots of drinking. The drinking made her a bit more bold. Still licking her wounds from a devastating but much necessary break up, her liquid courage fortified her for the long night. She spotted a very tall, dashing, hipster looking gentleman and decided to sit down next to him and strike up a conversation.

"Is this seat taken? My name's Sharon," she said, her eyes sparkling and her smile dazzling. The gentleman responded immediately to her beauty.

"My name's Ted." They shook hands and Sharon knew it was going to be a great night. Her friends and his friends converged into one group, many drinks were consumed and many laughs were enjoyed. The conversation was flowing and at the end of the night, Ted suggested the group of new friends make the short trip to his house. Conveniently, he lived right by the swinging night spot. Everyone agreed to go. The night had gone so well, let the good times continue!

Sharon was very excited about Ted. He was so handsome and funny and tall and all thoughts of the past vaporized when she was with him. The alcohol also might have had something to do with it, but mostly it was him, right? There was just something about him.

Upon arriving at Ted's place, Sharon and her friend were amazed. What a gorgeous, historic house! They took a tour. Sharon found herself in the kitchen with Ted's friend. They had struck up a conversation about something very dear to Sharon's heart. Ted seemed a bit perplexed. Was something amiss? Sharon seemed to be completely absorbed in her conversation with his friend. Ted discussed this with Sharon's friend. She fervently proclaimed that Sharon did like Ted. Ted tried to work up the courage to butt in on the conversation, but Sharon was speaking so intently, he lost his nerve every time he walked up to them. Resigned, he slunk off to bed.

"Where's Ted?" Sharon wondered aloud. Her friend attempted to fill Sharon in but Sharon was just so sleepy. Thoughts of Ted swirled around her head as she found the couch and fell into a deep sleep.

At some point in the morning she woke up, but it was extremely hard to breathe. She had something covering her entire face and began to panic. It was fairly heavy and covered in hair. She began to struggle to push the hairy mass off of her face. She shouted out in frustration, gasping for breath.

"Oh my God, I should never have come home with Ted. He's psycho! He's trying to kill me! I'm so stupid! What would my best friend Tanya think?"

She heard voices. She may have even heard laughing. The nerve of some people! 

At last she was free. The hairy predator had fallen to the floor. Sharon finally got a good look at her attacker. It was a giant teddy bear! Immediately she began to laugh hysterically. Her friend was there laughing as well. Someone had taken a picture but she couldn't see who it was because she was crying from laughing so hard. She picked up the teddy and gave it a huge kiss.

Not exactly the Ted she expected to kiss, but nevertheless a fun time!

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the innocent. This is also a retelling of my friend's story in which I embellished quite a bit to fit my writing style. Thank you for reading!

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