Roller Coaster Relationships

It's funny how two very different people can come to the same conclusion about your relationship, albeit in different ways. My last relationship went downhill and towards the end we were both floundering. Why I ever got back together with the guy is now a mystery to me. At major break up #1 - where it REALLY should have ended - a friend of mine, a fiery redhead from Boston, who I met through the guy, knew some of the details of our relationship. She knew him and his issues really well and she saw how unhappy I was. She told me a million times I could do better (and that's honestly not hard) and gave me the wisest piece of advice which I wish I had been smart enough to listen to and comprehend at the time. She told me you can never go back in a relationship. It's so true. Once something has come to an end, if you have no true ties to that person (marriage, kids, pets, a house, etc.), it needs to be over.

At the final break up - where it ACTUALLY ended (too many months too late) - a brand new friend of mine from Denmark gave me the exact same advice although he didn't know the guy or much about me at all, except for what little I told him. His advice was a bit more broad but he said the same thing. Once he ended a relationship with a girl or she ended it with him, that was it. He cut off all ties to that person and never got back together with anyone. It's healthier that way and decreases the drama and stress in your life dealing with exes and messy break ups. That's why I'm glad I decided to not be friends with any of my exes. My ex-fiancé and I will occasionally write a Facebook message to each other, but that's it. It also helps that he's in Germany (I think). But I have no desire to see him. I suppose if I ran into him I'd be friendly because so much time has passed, but there's no real reason to be in touch. You have to close the door on the past so you can open another to the future. To bigger and better things.

One of my best friends had an even tougher time with her roller coaster relationship. Her ex did some really hurtful things and she kept going back to him over the course of about 2.5 or 3 years. Of course as a friend, I said to her what my friend said to me. Don't go back. But I said it so many times, I felt sad for her. She's a wonderful person and deserves so much better. And so do I. In the end I didn't want to be stuck in Arizona with a guy who wasn't right for me. She and I both are so lucky to be released from the bad relationships we were in and be able to start over. So thank you to the people who gave me good advice. It's hard to listen to it at the time, but I can now say you were right!!!

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