Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Some people make me sick. Especially when they've lied to you for so long. You can just tell that something is off, but at the time it's hard to pinpoint. Hindsight is always crystal clear. Ain't that a bitch? Better to figure it out than be lost at sea forever, I suppose.

Relationships are never perfect and there has to be some work and maintenance involved in order for them to be sustainable, but lies are just hurtful and wrong. I've had to own up to some really horrible and difficult things in my relationships (readers, they would really shock you about me...maybe someday I'll be brave enough to divulge), but I had the courage to say I fucked up or that I wasn't happy. Sometimes it took me a while to spit it out, but in the end, if you hold things back, you're not only hurting yourself, but your "significant" other. I'm not saying I can't lie like Washington or that I have no filter, but if it's something big, I can't hold it back. It eats away at my soul. I blame my anxiety filled upbringing on that one. It sucks being a warm, loving, kindhearted person sometimes. It must be nice to be a cold bastard because you don't really care about the other person and do whatever is right for you. Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing, but what I'm trying to say is I care too much. To the point of exhaustion.

There are times when I truly lament being single, but when you have to deal with so much bull shit, I don't even know why I ever put up with relationships. I give too much of myself and worry about the other person. I guess I do have that silly gene that wants to try and make things better but now with the way the world works, nothing lasts 'til death do us part (I'm being cynical, I know there are people who will make it!) and I don't want to settle for someone that won't really make me happy or be a good fit for me. There's no point. It's just hard to stick to this when you meet someone you like. I need to be true to myself. Hopefully someday I'll find the proverbial right guy, but for now I'm enjoying the relatively drama free, hilariously fun and wild period in my life.

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