The Love Chronicles

Thanksgiving always reminds me just how much I have to be thankful for in my life. This year was, however, tougher than usual. My 99-year-old grandfather is slowing succumbing to age, dementia and anxiety replacing his once jovial and robust personality. It was absolutely crushing spending three days with him, knowing that he is in agony. He has "lived too long" and cannot remember everything like he used to. It was a test of strength to be with him, but it reminded me of something incredibly valuable: compassion. I was not always able to keep my composure, but I tried to be compassionate despite the frustration and mental anguish. If I were in his shoes, I have no idea what I would do, but I would hope my family would treat me kindly. So while I am thankful for all the usual things like a roof over my head, food to eat, sources of income, my dear friends and other things, I am even more thankful this year that I had a chance to see things from a different perspective. I am...

I'm sure we all are familiar with the feeling of stress, but what about the extraordinary kind? The kind that robs you of sleep, ties your stomach in knots and turns you into an emotional wreck for weeks? If you have not yet to experience this, congratulations. Tell me your secrets. Currently I am so stressed I am sick and frustrated and desperately trying to get my proverbial ducks in a row. Image courtesy of Christina Mandelski While ducks are adorable, they only briefly distract me from my stress. Why am I so stressed, you might ask? One part of it is my brain chemistry, another part of it is conditioning, the final part is the current point at which I find myself. I recently decided to stop taking anti-anxiety medication and while I am not anxious like I was before I began taking it this time around, I feel every single spike in my brain activity. It is often disconcerting and hard to remember such things are normal. No one can be happy and calm 100% of the time - unles...

With the Cubs' recent victory bringing Chicago to a fever pitch, I have been thinking a lot about what sports mean to people. Depending on where you are from, how you were raised and where you are in the world, sports can be extremely important or completely uninteresting. In Berlin, where I am currently writing this post, no one has taken notice of the Cubs and their historic season of baseball. Here if you care about sports, football is obviously king, the international sport of pretty much the entire world except the U.S. There are of course some people in Chicago who could care less about the Cubs, as much as it pains me to say it, but I am not one of those people. I care. I care so much that it hurts. I was able to date a Reds fan, but a Cardinals or White Sox fan would not be possible. The rivalry is too intense. However, I no longer have to worry about these things. My German boyfriend is not a big sports guy, so "making" him a Cubs fan has been an easy sell. He l...

My dear readers, I am lucky to say I know what unconditional love is. There are people who unconditionally love me and I them, and it is something I do not take for granted. You can be rude, lewd, hurtful and spiteful, mean and withholding, make mistakes and royally mess up - otherwise known as being human - but at the end of the day love wins out every time. Of course there are equally beautiful moments of happiness, acceptance, peace and joy, and the love you feel makes your heart swell. And just when you thought your love reached its zenith, it surpasses new heights. It is awesome and without being too maudlin, that is what life is all about. Maybe you think this is a bunch of tree hugging hippy crap, but there is something to it. Love begets more love, and conversely hate begets more hate. So once you've found love, spread it around. It's truly contagious in the best kind of way. And if know what unconditional love is, cherish it and appreciate it. You are a lucky one. ...

Happy Sunday, my dear readers! Today's post is a bit different, but my vision came to me in conversation with my mother and the more I mulled it over, the more I grew fond of it. I hope you will enjoy what I have to share with you and that it might inspire you to ponder your own future. I realize now as a freshly minted 31-year-old woman, that it is good to envision what your future might look like. Perhaps it might even be helpful or insightful to think about it, knowing full well it is in the far-off utopic land existing only in your mind. It might make you realize you are ready for a change or can embrace something you were not expecting. However, it is not good to obsess about the future or incessantly worry about the inevitable. While I have my fair share of trouble with anxiety, as most of us do here and there, I certainly like daydreaming and reviewing the what-if scenarios I have imagined for myself in a perfect world. Not the oh-shit-I'm-an-adult kind of world, w...

The topic of today's post is long distance relationships. This is not my first time to the rodeo, but it has been a few years since I was in a serious relationship with someone from across the pond and I felt the need to voice my opinions on the subject and share what I've learned from my relationship and from others that are in the same position. 1. Long distance relationships are no joke because they test you in ways you never thought possible. They often fill your heart with joy or sadness, as with any other kind of relationship, but LDRs also might make you question your sanity. All of a sudden you are faced with very serious  choices that other couples might not make until years down the road. Do you want kids? How many kids do you want? Where do you want to live? Will you buy a house? What are the career prospects if you move? What kind of wedding will you have? How easy is it to get a visa? Do you want to change citizenship? The list is endless and for a worry-wart, p...

The title of today's post is borrowed from Turkish-German director Buket Alakuş's 2013 film Einmal Hans mit scharfer Soße .  The film is based on Hatice Akyün's autobiographical novel of the same name published in 2005.  This roughly translates to "I'd like a Hans with spicy sauce," as if you were in a restaurant ordering a Döner but instead of wanting the German-Turkish delicacy, you were in fact ordering a German man named Hans who had a little bit of a kick to him.  Both the film director and the author of the novel were born in Turkey but grew up and live in Germany, so they can be considered bi-cultural.  The title plays upon the cultural mix. Here is why this is important (to me at least): the story is about a woman, who knows what she wants in a partner and refuses to settle for anything less. Although that is not fully the truth, because the main character is a 34-year-old Turkish-German successful career woman, Hatice, living in Hamburg who is press...