Sh*t Show

I should have known better. Mill Avenue all day for St. Patty's Day? Probably not a good idea. I was out with an awesome group of friends (German Nick, Matthew, the Balls, Rob and his friend) and then left the party to take my friend to the airport. I should have just stayed home after that. I went back to the original bar, which was insanely crowded. Ran into a few people. Had one drink. Was just not feeling it. Some other friends took me to another bar which turned out to be better. More interesting people to observe, more room to move around and better conversation. But I felt so down. The first part of the day was great, the second part sucked. Perhaps I wasn't drunk enough. Perhaps my self esteem just took a dump. No idea why. There was actually a guy I was interested in, he was with me and my friends (and his group merged with mine) the whole night. He walked me to the light rail and gives me a hug. He stands there looking sheepish and I asked him if he was going to ask me for my number. He said he would but he was dating someone but told me a few times that I was awesome. No shit, Sherlock. I seem to hear that a lot lately but no one actually makes me feel that way. My exes tell me I'm awesome, my friends (real and superficial), my family, my coworkers. But why the hell do I feel like I'm the only one who believes it? I honestly do. If anything, I definitely know I'm awesome. I'd rather have a guy (or anyone, for that matter) just prove to me I'm awesome. Words are words. Oh well. I walked home alone and am feeling melancholy but only slightly so. I sat next to a trippy Russell Brand lookalike on the light rail. Weird. I guess that's just life. I'm going along for the ride. Just need to figure out the next station.