Cream of the Crop

Since rejoining (sigh) the world of OKCupid, I took a very passive approach. Let the fine gentlemen message me first, signaling their biological interest to find an attractive mate. Being a woman, this is infinitely easier to collect messages and then select which ones are deemed worthy of a response. However, in my gap year, if you will, of membership, I noticed that after a while, I was receiving messages from gentlemen that messaged me over a year ago. This tends to leave a less than positive impact on me. I know I am no better, since I am once again on the site, but it always makes me wonder, has the guy been on there the whole time? One gentlemen claimed he was in the same situation as me. He was in a relationship for a while and then rejoined. Another, very unsavory fellow messaged me and I completely ignored him. He made it clear very quickly he wanted a young girl to fool around with. I wish guys like that would just write "sex" in every single field on their profile...

Six things you can't live without: 1) inappropriate text messages asking girls for sexy pictures so I can get a hard on, 2) not knowing how to spell or use punctuation because girls don't want to have sex with smart guys, 3) having half naked pictures of myself posted all over the internet so I can lure chicks to have sex with me with my rippling pecs and bulging biceps, 4) turning anything and everything a woman says into sexual innuendo, just in case she's not really sure I want to have sex, 5) asking a girl to "hang out" because hanging out isn't a date, it's just a reason to meet up and have sex and 6) hopefully actually getting a dumb broad to fall for me by using the previous 5 tactics to get...guess what? Sex. 

THAT would be an accurate portrayal of many gentlemen putting themselves out there in the online "dating" world. THAT would be an honest and truthful account of what they actually think and what they actually want. But if they wrote a profile like that, it would be sad and pathetic and people like me would never, EVER write to a person like that because their profile would just drip with douche. So they try to hide it. But the power of the douche will always prevail.

Comments

  1. Kayla12:06 PM

    This is hilarious Tina. I actually met my bf on okay cupid.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown3:37 PM

    Good for you! Glad you had some luck!!!!! Sorry I've been knocking OKCupid. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. FloorItNettie10:36 PM

    I love it! (although I feel kind of bad that I wish you encounter more weirdos though so I can hear more funny stories-be safe cara!)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown8:58 AM

    Hahaha, I know what you mean. I have collected plenty of stories over the years and I will put them up, one day at a time! :) Thanks for your love and support!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ode to Jon

Image
On the eve of the much anticipated election, my friend and I were discussing politics, Mormons and Jon Stewart. I have not had cable TV, let alone basic TV stations since I moved out of home almost 10 years ago, but whenever I could I would watch the Daily Show, sometimes online, but mainly when I was at my mom's house visiting or with my friends if they had cable. I fell in love with him because of his style, the ease with which he puns and jokes his way through his show, his witty quips and almost bipolar news anchor personality when interviewing guests. Our discussion took place on the way to the movies and upon returning home and falling into sweet slumber, I had a dream about Jon Stewart. I was in what appeared to be a high school auditorium and towards the front, dead center near the stage, sat none other than Jon. Brow furrowed, head bowed, he was scribbling furiously into a note pad, oblivious to the world around him. Since the seats were empty, I decided to make a bold m
Read more

Hug a Cactus

Today's post features a message I received on OKCupid from a 21-year-old guy who decided to be clever...I think. "I would hug a cactus then swim through shark infested salt water to the arctic to do battle with an angry mother polar bear on a 2x2 foot iceberg for the chance to share a spaghetti dinner with you on a webcam over a dial up connection!!!" This is totally amazing, albeit silly. I think if a man really loves a woman (or a man loves a man, a woman loves a woman, a man loves a goat, etc.), this statement absolutely should ring true. I do not want to settle for anything less. I really am an amazing individual - it's true, everyone says so - and I have so much going for me. As my dear mother would say, the world is my oyster. Why shouldn't I expect a man to traverse the world, fight with all sorts of creatures and put himself in ridiculous peril at my expense? Aren't I worth it? I guess it all depends on the guy. You can't pick who you fall for
Read more

The Wiener's Circle, Part 2

The night before we made plans, my friend joked around in his inappropriate way. He was going to pick me up and whip out his wiener. Lots of LOLs ensued. But I knew he was kidding and I told him I knew he was kidding.  Well...he wasn't kidding. He picked me up at my mom's house and we were going to do some last minute Xmas shopping. I had to get a present for someone and just wanted to hang out since my mom was at work during the day. A few minutes into the drive, I see something out of the corner of my eye. A quick glance proved that he was a man of his word. He had whipped it out; one hand on the wheel, the other on the shaft (and I don't mean the car part)! I immediately began screaming and covered my head with my scarf. "You must be crazy! Why on Earth would you do this? What the hell is wrong with you? I have a boyfriend! This is ridiculous! I can't believe you!" I couldn't stop. He tried to force his boner back into submission and finally, it was
Read more